Sunday, August 17, 2008

His Best or Mine?

I’m emotional today, for many reasons I guess. Happiness, sadness, loss and gratitude all mixed together. There’s so much going on in my life right now both indirectly and directly. Most of which I won’t write about but it’s to do with people that I love. Just know that your prayers are appreciated and that I firmly believe that God is behind the wheel.

Above all of this craziness I feel so incredibly blessed, my husband, my children and my family. My 9 year old sister is here with us right now. Her name is Elliyana, one of the meanings of that name is “God has answered my prayers.” Isn’t that beautiful? But I call her “Sissy” or “Sissaroo.” She’s never called me anything other than “Sissy.” I love her so much. She’s like one of my own, my kids and her are as close as siblings.

Over 9 years ago now was when I was shocked to find out that my mom was pregnant when she had just become a brand new grandma; Austin was only a few months old when they told us the news. It was hard for me to grasp at first, selfishly. Forgive me my sweet Sissy and forgive me Lord. What would I do without my sweet little sister? Why do I ever doubt God's plans?

Isn’t it funny when we think we know what we want or need and when things don’t go our way we’re disappointed or depressed or even angry about it? If I’ve learned anything in my almost 30 years of life thus far it’s to trust that God knows better than I. This revelation doesn’t keep me from being disappointed at times but that disappointment usually turns into the knowledge that God’s best is so much better than my best. Elliyana, God has answered our prayers indeed, my little sister, sweet girl I love you with my whole entire heart!


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