As I sit here now, I am torn. If there was one thing those who know me and love me would say about me, it would be that I'm real. I don't try to impress, I am who I am, take me, and the family that comes with me, or leave me.
Years ago, I did a "Friends and Family Friday" post with my brother. He sat with me on the couch as I interviewed him, which was hysterical as usual! If there's one thing that my brother and I do best, its laugh together! The ugly kind of laughs, screaming, knee slapping, stomach cramping laughs heard throughout the land! LOL! Yeah, we're those kinda folks...
When I first introduced you to my brother, years ago, I mentioned that he had had a problem with drugs at one time, and that he overcame it, and he did. This past year, sadly, those drugs crept back into his life. If you've never had a loved one who has been in this place, then you simply just won't understand. Its so easy for us to judge certain people's lives when we have no stock in them. I know, I've done it too.
I would do absolutely anything for my family, for my brother. My love for him is 100% unconditional, and as many times as I have been angry at him and wanted to just strangle him, at the drop of a hat I would do anything for him. I can't imagine my life, our family's lives, without him in it.
Yesterday, my mom, dad, myself, his ex-wife, and his best friend all got a text from Sean. From our perspective these were "goodbye" texts. He has never done this sort of thing before. Yesterday, I thought my brother was going to kill himself...I had no idea where he was, or how to find him but somehow I was deteremined to do just that, I had to know he was okay. So, I called everyone I knew that might be able to help me, & no one knew exactly where he was just the town he was in. So, my sweet husband who is FULL of understanding, strength and Love, got in the truck with me and drove me to that town. If I had to drive up and down every single street to find him I would have.
I was praying the entire time, "Lord Jesus, please be with Sean now, I pray against anything that is not of you to flee from his presence is Jesus name. Intervene in his life right now Lord, be with him now....Show us where to go...God help Sean now..." I couldn't control my tears or my pleading with God, imagining I might find Sean dead, gone forever from our lives. How would I go on? How would this affect every aspect of my life? How would his kids, our family get through this? The Lord doesn't put us through anything we can't handle, but how would I be able to handle this?
My mind was racing...Finally, after driving for quite a while, we decided the best thing to do was to call the police in the town we thought he was in and see if they could help us. Part of me was hesitant to do this, it made it too real I guess. The policeman was so nice, and understanding. I gave him the information I had gathered and he found where my brother was within 10 minutes!
We followed the officer to where they were sure he was staying, I continued to pray fearing the worst and then I saw my brother surrounded by policeman. He was angry, very angry, but he wasn't dead and that's all I cared about. There's no doubt that he was high on drugs, as he spewed hateful words towards the policeman and then me, but the sad, confused, distant, and lost look in his eyes told me a different story. I weep for my brother now, my prayers for him will not cease.
So, I'm asking for all of you who pray and believe to please pray for Sean. I believe that God has an incredible plan for my brother's life. I believe that he will overcome this, Lord God help him overcome this, in Jesus name...Amen.
